I Remember

I have been blessed with a very good memory. I remember dates and places and people and faces. I just have a knack for it, I guess. One of the ways that I mark time is by remembering past events. On my birthday this year, I remembered that John's grandfather died close to my birthday last year. This Christmas, I'll probably look back and remember the twin blizzards of 2006 and being snowed in for a couple of days with John's family.

Just this week, I took some time to remember 9/11 and the events of that day. John and I talked about where we were and what we were doing when we heard the dreadful news. I have a feeling that lots of folks did some remembering of their own that day.

Sadly, the events of 9/11 are eclipsed for me by the events of 9/12. September 12, 2004 was the day that John resigned as the co-pastor of our church. Our lives have never been the same.

We moved here in the fall of 2003 for John to co-pastor alongside a good friend. About 3-4 months into it, we both realized that we had some very different personal, idealogical, and theological beliefs from our friends. Sadly, we couldn't seem to agree to disagree on things, and the personal relationship deteriorated very quickly. It was an ugly, messy, and HARD time in our lives. Just a few weeks shy of our one year anniversary at the church, John resigned in an attempt to try to salvage the relationship.

There was so much uncertainty in our lives during the days that followed. Did we miss You, God? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Where are you leading us?? God was gracious to provide some freelance writing/editing work for him and thus began a new chapter in our lives, and a new career for John. It's been good, but I wouldn't say it's been easy.

I've been stretched in so many ways during the last 3 years. My faith has been challenged, and there are times that I've been strong, but other times that I've been really weak and faith-less. Trusting God means something totally different to me than it did 3 years ago. It's been very hard, but very good, and even though that church experience was one of the most painful of my entire life, God has used it in many different ways to teach me things about myself and about how much He loves me.

So...I remember. Sometimes painfully, sometimes prayerfully, sometimes with anger, and sometimes with thanks...but I always remember. And I hope I will never forget.