Meredith and I were throwing around blog ideas the other day while we were getting pedicures and sipping Perrier. One of us, it's hard to remember who, said how about we tell our followers (snort-laugh) they can ask us any question about marriage and we'll do our best to answer it or at least make something up? The other, probably Meredith, said why in the world would anyone listen to what we had to say about marriage? I sat my Perrier down and said but what if we told the truth? (Pause for dramatic effect)
So why don't you ask your question, any question within reason, about marriage? We'll gather them up and post a Q&A on Wednesdays. Game?
Here's our disclaimer: If you need churchy answers or bible verses, you'll probably be disappointed. We don't have many answers anyway, but maybe, just maybe, we're learning what the questions are and we'd be willing to share them or at least point you in the right direction. And (pause for dramatic effect) we promise to tell the truth...and have fun. We'll have been married twenty years this summer and we've read at least the cliff notes to Love & Respect and listened to the podcast of Love & War and have seen Sleepless in Seattle and Lonesome Dove numerous times, together I might add.
(This is Meredith, the wife)
We were eating breakfast together last Saturday (the man makes me fried eggs every single Saturday--how great is that?) and I was telling him about my "ask me a question, any question" post and then read him some of your comments. I'm pretty sure the marriage question thing was his idea but I think it could be fun. John is the fun(ny) one and I promise he'll have you in stiches along the way.
So shoot us a question and we'll try to get 'em answered on Wednesdays--starting next week.
Please keep two things in mind: We are not counselors. We cannot solve problems or fix marriages. We rarely take ourselves too seriously, so this probably isn't the best place to direct questions of a serious nature.
And like John said, we're not experts on marriage either. Oh my gosh. Not even close. But we've weathered nineteen.five years together and have learned a lot along the way.
I promise I won't close comments early this time. Smile.
21 comments:
I'm going to go out on a limb and just be gutsy. Because I know y'all and I think y'all like me, too. And if you don't want to answer this in public, that's cool. But call me later...because I want to know. :)
What do you guys do to keep things fresh and fun in the bedroom?
You're welcome. Nothing like going straight to the sex on your first question out.
AMBER?! I can NOT believe she asked that!!! The nerve!
(because I was going to ask a similar question)
But now I'll just ask this one(s) instead:
What's the most frequent cause of arguments between you? Do you have different conflict resolution styles, and if so, how have you agreed to disagree?
Fun stuff! Loved this funny post!
Do you guys go on regular dates? How do you make time together with 3 kids who you also want to spend time with?
When you faced big decisions in your marriage (like a career change, big move) how did you decide together what was best for the whole family?
Tell us how John proposed to you?
How do you celebrate your anniversaries!?!
Okay so I don't close the comments I'll quit early!?!
I'm really looking forward to your Wednesday posts on marriage! :)
~ Ali
That is my homegirl, Amber, up there, I tell ya!!
I will third that question and tack this on the end of it:
at what age do you discuss sex with your kids...our oldest certainly I think knows there's more to this Mommy and Daddy thing ;) and also as he's growing and such things crop up (he'll be 10)...what about the girls? We're not prudes by any means and I know there is an appropriate amount of information, etc...just curious how y'all handled it. :)
Ooh! I can't wait to read the answers!
We must be on the same wave length... I was pondering doing a similar series over at NEM. (But more from a woman's standpoint)
Now I get to read your answers before attempting mine ;)
Who pays the bills? Do you sit down and do it together or is one of you in charge of the budget? Do you even have a budget? Do you ever argue over money?
I'm currently a little stressed out about our budget, or lack of, so any insight would be lovely! :)
So far, the questions are great! Amber rocks, as usual, and I definitely want the answer to the same question because we all need help in that area, right?
I'm curious how your roles have evolved over the 19.5 years you've been married. I know that right now you are home and do most of the cooking etc, but what has the process of defining your roles in marriage been like?
We have some friends (who remind me so much of you guys!) who celebrated their 20th last summer. The hubby surprised her with a ceremony to renew their vows with the pastor who married them. I think that's awesome! What will you guys do? Ireland?
How did you decide who to leave your kids to in your will? We can't agree so we haven't done it, but it scares me that we don't have that documentation in place. I really want to get it done ASAP but there are certain things I'm not willing to conform to for the sake of making an agreement. Family or not there are just some people that I don't think should be raising my children, if you know what I mean.
Ditto on the boredom. And not just in the bedroom but out in our daily lives! It gets so boring doing and saying the same thing every day. What do you do when you just get tired of living with someone? How can you make life more interesting?
Fun! Okay, how much do y'all tiptoe around each other? Are y'all a honesty-is-the-best-policy-have-it-out kinda couple or a pacify-me-now-and-we'll-discuss-it-later type?
This is great fun.
Do you tell each other everything or do you sometimes hold things back?
Have you guys ever had any major dissagreements concerning parenting-rules, wishes or flat out one of you didn't or did want your kids to do or not to do something- and how did you resolve them?
best gift each of you has gotten the other?
when you guys are apart (as in not in the same location) how do you still feel connected and together?
do you guys do daily devotions together? if so what do you do? daily readings? from a book?
Do you discuss your disagreements in front of your kids? Right now we have a 1-year old and we are trying to find a healthy boundary line for discussing things in front of her as they arise, and waiting for when we are behind closed doors. I'm not talking about major issues here, just little things that crop up during the day. I don't want our daughter growing up thinking that having a happy marriage means you never disagree, but I don't want her to see her parents bickering all the time either!
My question is regarding reading the Bible. Do you read the "standard" King James version or a different version?
I find reading my bible, that I have had forever is daunting, having to re-read passages.
Thanks.
I love the line in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" where Costa is comparing the Millers to dry toast.
I love it because sometimes (a lot lately) i feel like my husband and I are just two pieces of dry toast rubbing against ach other. How do you guys combat that feeling?
Wow, what great questions. I confess, I waited, because I didn't know what to ask. We've been married almost the same amount of time, and ours is working, too, but I know iron sharpens iron, so I thought I'd ask something, too. This is a very brave, and wonderful idea, btw.
We have an economy based on marital debt in our home, and I wondered if you did, as well. I think a little bit of debt causes us to try harder to "make things up/make things nice" for the other person. For instance--he goes into severe marital debt upon traveling from the country, and leaving me with catastrophes which are sure to happen the moment his plane takes off. But I tell you the truth: Chinese pearls help this type of debt. So do frequent phone calls and emails. When I'm the debtor, it usually comes in the form of oopsie daisy over spending. Or, if I'm totally honest, leaving a camera out in the rain (or losing it--again). In that case, bedroom favors are in order. We find the currency of the other partner and pay it, knowing it will never be enough, but for grace.
HOW FUN!!!
My question is easy!! When John did our wedding 10 years ago... what was that paper he made us fill out and why?? where is it now??
I never forget anything- this has always been in the back of my mind.. I thought is this guy gonna not marry us if he thinks these questions don't match up?
No, really question- How did you make it work so well with toddlers in the house and making time for each other.. I know they sleep.. but staying saine when they don't?
Ok you all seriously crack me up. I want to be your real life friends!! I can't think of a question right now----just wanted you to know that. Have a great weekend!
My 22 year old son Chase is very serious with his sweetheart from OBU and is thinking of getting married soon. Do you think getting married young is good or bad? What advice would you give to a young couple before they get married? By the way we love her, she is a high school Math Teacher! Carol Sanders
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