A venti-sized vent

I feel like I need to vent this morning. Lucky you. Feel free to stop reading now. I won't be offended. I just need to give voice to the thoughts in my head. Saying them out loud (or on the blog) somehow validates them for me. So here goes.

I injured my leg. In fact, my entire leg/hip region is injured. I can't walk without pain and I've limped around for so long that my weird gait is causing other issues in my back and knee. 

John and I are leaving for our big anniversary trip this week--the one we've been planning and looking forward to for a long time. It's going to take all I've got just to walk around each day. And hiking is out of the question. It is incredibly irritating and I feel so foolish for allowing this injury. 

I was logging many miles each week when my injury happened (hiking, walking, jogging) but I wasn't overdoing it. I know from being a runner that the worst injuries result from doing too much too soon. I know that. And I was holding myself back in order to avoid injury. I once had a stress fracture and injury is no picnic. 

Here's the back story: 

I packed on several pounds during my dad's illness last year and when the temps finally began to warm up a little here in late January (warm is relative) I purposed to get rid of them. My first setback was when our treadmill motor quit. I was very frustrated because we still had lots of snowy days ahead and I didn't know how in the world I was going to keep my momentum going with outdoor exercise. I perservered and the weather cooperated (for the most part) but then another setback, shin splints, forced me to take a couple weeks off. Ouch. I think I'm the only person I know who gets shin splints just from walking fast. 

Eventually my shins returned to normal and I resumed activity. I was losing weight, feeling great, and had the energy I remember from my twenties. And then I started feeling pain in my upper leg/hip area after a long walk. I took a few days off to rest, and honestly, I really only rested because we had a freak April snowstorm and I couldn't get outside. After two days of being house bound, I went for a run. I felt great the entire time I was running but when I stopped, I could barely walk. And I had to walk 3 miles back home. If I'd had my cell with me, I would have called someone for a ride. I don't think I've ever hurt so bad in my entire life. Except for labor. Oh, and a kidney stone. Looking back, I wish I had never gone on that Sunday run. 

It's been almost five weeks since that day. Despite the pain, I put off going to the doctor because I didn't want to spend a ton of money for them to "try" to figure out what was going on. I finally caved and went because I wanted to feel better for our anniversary trip. But I don't feel better. And I'm soooooooooo frustrated. 

My doctor referred me to a physical therapist, but I put off making an appointment because I knew we were leaving town and I didn't want to start therapy, then have to take a week off. Excuses, excuses. I ran into her (the PT) last week at school and mentioned my referral to her. She probed a little and I agreed to see her yesterday afternoon with high hopes that she could manipulate something and I'd walk away a new person. She confirmed the tendonitis diagnosis my doctor gave me and told me that this is going to take significant time to heal. I will probably have to rest my leg/hip all summer which means NO hiking and NO other exercise (biking, walking, jogging) until it heals. 

I'm devastated. 

I live in Colorado and our summers are glorious. For me, summer is about being outside and being active. Last summer was a rough one, and I had such high hopes for this one. All my contributions to our "summer list" involved outdoor activity.

I'm slowly adjusting to this news. I'm sad. I'm mad. I'm incredibly disappointed. And in the midst of all that emotion, I'm still in some pretty intense physical pain. It feels like I also have some pretty intense opposition in regard to my heart. 

Yesterday I got an ionotophoresis treatment at the therapist's office, and I'm going for another possible treatment today. Iontophoresis uses an ionic charge to deliver anti-inflammatory meds (corticosteroids) transdermally. It targets the specific area the steroid is needed and it's not as destructive to your collagen as a cortisone shot. It's actually pretty cool and I can tell some difference since my treatment yesterday afternoon.

I'm crossing my fingers and PRAYING that another treatment will alleviate the pain I feel when walking. Because airports and tourist attractions are in my very near future. 

So..., thanks for letting me vent a little here.

I'm frustrated but I'm hanging in there. I may be hanging by a thread, maybe, but I'm hanging tough.  

PS--I would love your prayers!